NOSTALGIASM

"I'm not one of the best students in our class when it comes to accounting..." (I SUCK AT IT ACTUALLY...HAHA)

The mock interview had just made me realize the things that I really wanted to do. Despite the bad news that came to me these past days, I learned to cope up with the dramas and stress of being an accountancy student... or should I say a former accountancy student? :-D

I'd been struggling to survive this course for 3 years now... But I guess, my mind can't bear it anymore. My heart isn't that supportive since the very beginning. I'd been trying to love the subject, but it doesn't love me back, only few sunk in. I don't even know if I deserve to be a CPA. I enrolled in this course not because I was forced to, but because I just can't think of anything better during that time. I actually wanted to enroll to an ECE degree or be a MassCom student. I didn't go for the former 'coz it's a five-year course. And I don't want to stay in school that long. I'm aware of my family's financial status back then. And knowing that college is expensive, I don't want to be a burden for that long. I didn't choose MassCom either. I told myself, if I'm taking that course, I should graduate in a university like Ateneo or UP. It's not that I'm belittling my school's MassCom program, but honestly speaking, we all know that  multimedia companies would prefer graduates from those schools mentioned. Moreover, I'm aware that the employment for that degree is not in demand here in GenSan. It's a big risk, I know.


BASIC ACCOUNTING (1ST YEAR)

So there, I enrolled to a BS-Accountancy degree. Honestly, I didn't have any idea of what accounting is all about. Yes, I've heard that it's more on solving. I love Math, and maybe that's one of the reasons why I took a very strange course. I hadn't thought that I'm entering HELL that time.

I didn't even had a basic accounting subject during my high school! I was even impressed of my classmates during my 1st year because they were very good in journal entries, balancing T-accounts and etc. Some of them even received a 1.0 grade during the midterms. But then I found out that they had that kind of subject when they were in high school. I'd only met ASSETS, LIABILITIES AND OWNER'S EQUITY when I stepped in to college. Loser eh?

FIRST TEARS...

I could still remember the first time that I cried for a grade! haha! I got 2.0 as my Basic Accounting midterm grade. Humbly speaking, I never experienced getting a grade below 88 when I was in high school. And that was the first time I got an 80! I mean, "what the hell happened to me?!!!" It's also my first time to get zero on a quiz! I felt so useless and dumb. Even from that point in time, I already felt discouragements, dissatisfaction of my performance, and loss of interest. I'd already expected to FAIL THE SUBJECT.

From elementary to high school, I'd been the happy-go-lucky type. I study a night before the exam and quiz. Reading textbooks wasn't my hobby. That's why my books still look like new until now. All I did back then was to listen whenever the teacher was in front and to participate. I didn't give so much time studying. But I was just lucky and blessed enough to still get outstanding scores during exams and quizzes. But these things turned oppositely when I got in to college...

I'd started reading my textbook...

I changed my habits. I'd become completely away from watching the news. I learned to lock myself in the room and read and read. Even though I can't fully understand what I was reading. I wondered why I can't... I only maintained my scholarship for another semester when I got six mistakes during our midterm exam. My drive to get a grade higher than 80 was to the extent. Though it wasn't enough for me during that time.


PARTNERSHIP & CORPORATION (1st Year - 2nd Sem)

Good news! I passed my major subject! I got 1.75! That means, I got into the Dean's list!

The compliment that our Program Head, Ms. Joanne Java,CPA, is still fresh in my mind until now. It was the enrollment period for the 2nd semester. She was there to check on our course catalogs and see our grades. And when it was my turn, I felt really nervous. I get butterflies on my stomach whenever I see her. She has the same nose and that spanky personality as my mommy, that's why I was that nervous when she's at sight. hehe...

"Ang gaganda ng grades mo... ipagpatuloy mo yan ha? Para mag-top ka sa board exam," she said. (BOOM!)

Hooh! I tell you, those are the sweetest and most pressuring words I've heard from her!

 Sadly, I disappointed her. o_0

So... new semester. New set of classmates. I got qualified to be in the 1st section, the section where the top 10 students in the last departmental exam were also in. Was that a boon or a bane? It was flattering of course to be their classmate, but at the same time, I have to double my effort 'coz my teachers would surely give my section more challenging and harder activities knowing that the top 10 best students were in our class! And I was right. Really right! LEVELED-UP TORTURE.


FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING 1 & 2 (2ND Year)

Bad news! I lost my scholarship and was removed from the Dean's list! Good news, I passed the subject.

Only 100 students remained in the accountancy program from the original 200 students. We're down to only two sections from the original four. Lucky me, 'coz I still survived!

Financial Accounting 1 - ASSETS. 


How the hell is the Bank reconciliation process?! I spent a whole Saturday in school figuring out how to balance the cash in the books and in the bank. I solved that assignment for two and a half days but still get the wrong answer. haha! Relate?

Fin 1 was way worse than my previous accounting subjects. It's the HELLEST AMONG ALL THE HELLS. I even asked for the help of my neighbor since he is an accountant. Quizzes are longer and more difficult...and by the way, it's per chapter! Out of the 10+ quizzes that we took, I only passed one quiz. I only passed the quiz about CASH &CASH EQUIVALENTS. I got 82 over 100. One ironic thing about it was, I was announced to have the highest score on that quiz. My classmates wowed. I felt happy and flattered of course. It's my first time! But when ate Liezl (my classmate too) had her paper re-checked, it was found out that she got 89 points. Therefore, she's the highest. I didn't mind it. It did not even occur to me that I was the highest. I was just happy that finally, I scored high!

That only happened once though. My succeeding quiz results were depressing. I should thank my ever-cooperative health. I got a low score during our midterm departmental exam. I only received a 66 point something during midterms.  I thought that I could get higher and passing scores from our quizzes during the finals. But I didn't. From then on, I prepared myself. I prepared my family. I told them sorry. If I fail, I would shift to engineering even if it would lead me back to zero. At least, I'm certain that I'll be liking it fully.

I went to school alone. Holding up the remaining courage that I still have. I was prepared to hear the 2.75 from Ma'am Java.

"Ma'am... magtanong lang po ako ng grade," I said with loud and fast heartbeats. I felt like I was facing my judgment day!

She browsed her computer to find my grade...

"hmmm... Krisffer. 70, sirado."

My eyes opened widely and I felt like I was gonna jump right in front of her, inside the Dean's office. Good thing I'm good at hiding my emotions!

"Atik ma'am?!," I exclaimed.

"Ayaw mo?," she asked with a smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Hindi ma'am ui! Gusto! Salamat ma'am!"

I got out from that office with wide grin and teary eyes. I was really prepared for my downfall but I was surprised to hear the opposite. I was very THANKFUL. The whole Saturday that I'd spent inside the library - which by the way was my first time - was worth it.  My efforts were acknowledged by God. He helped me get through it.


FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING 2 - LIABILITIES & O.E.     -2.50
COST ACCOUNTING                                                           -2.50
FINANCIAL ACCOUNTING 3                                             -2.50
MANAGEMENT ADVISORY AND CONSULTANCY     -2.50


>> CALL THESE GRADES AS "MISTRESS"... or in Tagalog, KABIT! haha




ADVANCED ACCOUNTING 1&2 (3rd Year)


I wanted to pass the subject... I just don't have the drive. I sometimes ask myself, do I really want this?


I found out that I got the lowest score in the exam. Wow! I computed my semestral grade, and boom! I FAILED.

I've already seen it coming, but I didn't know that it's that painful. *drama!

These past days, I've been out of my mind. I lost the 10% focus that I have for my major subject. I forgot my goal. I lost the interest. On a Saturday night, the very friendly SOCOTECO scheduled the 10-hour brownout in our area. We had no emergency lights... I tried using my phone's flashlight but it only gave me headaches. I was worried of my dry eye condition, so I opted to just sleep...

69.12...


That's my semestral grade. Sadly, I didn't reach the cutoff grade this time. This has been what I'm waiting for. At first, it was absolutely hard to accept the fact that after all the efforts of trying to be good at something I'm not really in line with, I would just fail at the point where I'm just a year away from surviving it. SAKIT DIAY BAYA. OJT NA OH! haha!

But as a lot of people comforted me, I felt better. I started ACCEPTING IT. I'm not going to be an accountancy student anymore, unless I would retake the subject. I don't want to extend for another year. You mean another year of burden? Another year of struggle without the people I used to be with? Another year of expenses? I don't think I can still fight anymore. *CHARMOS!

But that's actually the fact. If you ask my closest friends, they advised me to retake the subject. I thank my parents on the other hand for letting me decide for myself. They know the difficulty that I'd been through. "Kung saan ang tingin mong gusto mo, dun ka. Kung gusto mong mag-shift sa course na gusto mo, gawin mo," my mommy said.

I got torn between the will of not giving up for the BSA degree then take the chance of extending another year in school and shifting to a less pressure degree which can still hand me my diploma on March 2013, BSAT. It's been days after I found out my final grade and still I hadn't decided yet. So I went to seek for the advice of the person who might know the best, our Program Head, Ms. Java.



Ms. Java's advice


The first time I went to her office, she advised me to shift. As for her observation, she told me that I was very relax... passive. I don't have the attitude of becoming a CPA. I don't oppose her. She's very right. I also see that. As I've said, I don't have the drive. It's like I'm just attending my major subject because it's a requirement and nothing more.

"There's no question about your intelligence, but there's a problem with your attitude..."

MAY TAMA KAAAA MA'AM!!!! hehe

From that point, I felt shame. Shame because I was guilty. Her advice of me shifting to BSAT was a little complicated during that time, as I have to retake a subject that I've already earned. It was a long story actually. I thought, if that's the case, maybe I should just stick to my BSA course. I would extend for another year. I don't want to but I have no choice.

Everything was set and decided on. I honestly felt so little every time I hear my classmates talking about their OJT stories. I don't know if they had observed but every time they bring up the topic, I kept myself busy and pretended like I was not in the room. But if they didn't notice that, now they know. hehe

I've already prepared myself for an unoccupied summer this year. My classmates will be busy and I will be at home idle. I started applying again for online jobs to keep me busy. But days later, I received a text from Jane telling me to go to Ma'am Java ASAP. I just finished doing the laundry that afternoon and was about to sleep. But as soon as I read the text, I jumped off the bed and took a bath.

I knew that Ma'am Java called me for a confirmation. I was almost there. I had almost told her that I'm retaking. But before I could say it, she explained to me the changes if I shift to BSAT or go under probation.  I was surprise to find out that if I would go under probation, I wouldn't have to wait for next year to go on my OJT program. I can have it this year... but still I would be extending a year for the 4 units that I can't get this coming AY 2012-2013. If I choose to shift to BSAT, I would not retake the Peachtree subject. To make it short, the complications are solved. I can graduate still on March 2013 and have my OJT this summer. Big thanks to our Program head for finding means to make our decisions easier to bear. I REALLY HAD APPRECIATED IT. :)

I almost asked ma'am if she's kidding me! But of course, I can't and I won't dare. She explained to me the advantages if I would just shift and won't risk another year of time and money for an accountancy degree which in the first place is not my passion. "There is more to life than becoming a CPA," she said.

I agree. Maybe that's the reason why I wasn't motivated to do my best during the examination week. No matter how I see my classmates striving their hardest to study for the departmental exam, it still did not move me. I felt like I'm looking for something that was not even there.

So from the moment I went out her door again, I finally got my head straight. I finally had my decision. I don't want to be a CPA. It isn't my dream. I can't live with backroom jobs. I SUCK AT ACCOUNTING. And even if I take the board exam, I will have doubts about myself. This ain't for me. Oh my... I was such a LATE BLOOMER to realize these things just now.

WHAT I WANT TO BE...


So I belong to the BSAT-4 now. I am not ashamed of that. After all, it's my decision. Maybe becoming a CPA would give you a higher salary and pride, but I guess, that's not at all what I'm after for. I plan to take an MBA degree, in God's time. And if my finances would permit me, I would enter a crash course for films or journalism, maybe. I know that my heart belongs there.  It's just not possible at the moment.

This is my journey... my 3 years in accountancy had taught me a lot of things which I would treasure for all of my life. This is not the end of my path to reaching my dreams... it's just the beginning. I pray that God would help me learn from my mistakes and that He would guide me through all my ups and downs in life.

GOODBYE ACCOUNTANCY, HELLO NEW LIFE! :)